Why am I up so late talking about fear?
Why not?
You know, I think it's super nice(working on more profound
vocabulary) that I decided to get over most of my fears this summer, if the summer is not over already, like petting dogs, swimming, getting on roller coasters, and then driving on high ways.
I think it's the speed at which people pass me that terrifies me the most. The lady at the gas station, that was also supposed to be a Dunkin Donuts told me to "Be brave and good luck." That sounded more to me like don't kill yourself or the person teaching you either. I'm laughing now, at retrospect, not at myself. At a point, I told my teacher I would get off so he would get on and continue the drive, in the middle of a left turn, WHO DOES THAT?
Well I'm up at 1:29am (I might post this later) because I just finished watching Divergent and it goes so well with the theme of my life right now. If I was like one of those Ghanaian pastors holding a crusade, my theme would be :Be Bold: No Time to Be Afraid. Life is like that: it forces you to watch movies and use them as sermons to yourself.
How could I have possibly gotten off to let my teacher continue the journey? Wasn't the whole purpose of being in the driver's seat so that I could gain the experience of driving? Tsk Tsk. I laugh at myself now because then I would have been back in bed crying about how I couldn't get over my fears.
Besides the fact that it's a bold movie, Divergent reminded me of how you really can't stop in the middle of your mess and keep complaining and whining and all that poetic foolery we use to console our selves. Except crying. Crying is good. But you must cry while you're hurting and keep moving on or else you will only get weaker and you will either die or have so much time on your hands to depression which might eventually lead to your death.
I believe we all have something, God built in us something that keeps us fighting. Beatrice, the protagonist in Divergent had it (whatever it is that we have) but she later lost her dad and mother (SPOILER ALERT-I think it's supposed to come before you ruin everything Rachel! It's the first one, everyone must have watched it already). Anyways, you must have lost many things, probably not even your father and mother, probably your father or mother, but please, please don't let it weigh you down. You must fight, and keep fighting, until all your bullets ran out, and your hands are cut off, and your words are finished, and you have no air to borrow to breathe.
I know I'm going to be walking all around campus, my very quiet fields, feeling like a divergent, until life slaps me with an incredibly crippling fate. I'll cry a little, say some prayers, and find some crutches until my feet gain consciousness.
When I stole away
That's not even the disease yet. It's how you get it. And so for your next relationship, you're just waiting to be heartbroken. Not that you want to, but that the guy is giving you the same signs as the previous one. He's doing the ignoring after you send him a message at 7:00am in the morning and he's always "busy" doing I don't know what, maybe herding some cattle. But mostly, he promises he still cares and then you really don't know what's going on. So you want to call up your x and say "you damn boy of a human being, see what you have done to my heart and my brain." But your sisters in the sisterhood group keep telling you you are in control of your mind, whatever goes on in your environment is you and you own your space, and you want to say how bad you feel for not being able to control yourself the first day you met him.
Well I'm up at 1:29am (I might post this later) because I just finished watching Divergent and it goes so well with the theme of my life right now. If I was like one of those Ghanaian pastors holding a crusade, my theme would be :Be Bold: No Time to Be Afraid. Life is like that: it forces you to watch movies and use them as sermons to yourself.