I was ashamed of...

       I once went to an interview for a really important fellowship. I needed wanted it. I wanted something that would help me organize my life and at least give me the support I needed for my future career. I honestly don't remember the weather for that day. The clouds might have been grey or yellow. I was very anxious about this interview knowing that it would be really difficult to get accepted.
       As usual, I was late for the interview and went over my answers while waiting for the interviewee before me to make her final comments. When I entered the room, a strong intellectual wind blew my hair wig. The first question I was asked was : Tell us an ananse story.I am sure you are as confused as I was. How is a story important to my interview? Ask me about my research or why I am the best candidate for this fellowship. (It is only after I left the interview that I realized I had written on my application that I am a story teller.)
       So back to the interview... I told them a very incoherent story about ananse the spider. About how he is bald because he hid a bowl of beans under his head. Why would a spider eat beans Rachel? WHY!!!! I should have been relieved of my tittle as a raconteur  after I walked out of that room but that was only one of the stories I told badly.
        The 3 professors kept firing  questions at me and I had very little to say about my tales. One of the male professors took my transcript glanced through it and asked how I was able to produce such excellent grades. Honestly, the first answer that popped into my head was Jesus. It is only by grace(unmerited favor) that I pass most of my classes. I am not a natural genius and even if I were, He grants me the grace to wake up in the morning to do what I have to do. I figured that was not the moment to preach about my faith or grace. I also felt they would not understand it. They would probably think "so grace takes you to school and reads the pages for you and takes the tests for you? where can we meet grace?"
       Mind you this conversation was going on in my head very quickly, for about two minutes, I suppose. So then instead of attributing my success to my faith and of course my persistence I only attributed it to my persistence and my strong educational background from Ghana. I walked out of the room feeling like Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus because many a time, when people ask me how I am doing or tell me how "smart" or how "lucky" I am, I want to tell them that I only produce 20% of the energy to create these things that make me look "presentable"but I believe they won't understand me.
         So why am I writing all of this? I wanted the subject of my first blog post after not blogging for a while to be about something that I believe in even if it makes me look crazy.