Natural Hair Gone Wrong!

This post has been long overdue...most people, when they go natural, find they have to give a reason for why they thought it was okay to just chop of most of their hair so it could grow so thick and curly  and healthy and all that good stuff. I am not here to give you that reason because honestly, I think you don't care...and also because I think it doesn't matter: you have had several reasons to do wild and crazy things to your hair but never felt the need to explain(maybe you did) and so why should I?

What I really want to talk to you about is how difficult it is to be natural..like being yourself kind of thing. Boy! Have you ever tried being normal? I'm not talking about pretending. I'm talking about just you being the abnormally normal person you are?

Let me share my NATURAL story.

I did not do the "big chop." I wasn't bold enough. My cheeks would be too fat, my forehead would be out, big and visible, all the blackheads on my face would show miserably well. But I wanted to go natural. My permed hair was all thin and  never grew any longer after it got permed. So I stopped perming and just continued to braid : twists,box braids, and all that. It was all going well until one day a GUY pointed out that I needed a perm. How embarrassing!  (As if I couldn't see the struggles on my head)

 

So time went on, birds flew in the sky, babies were born and I finally decided to cut off my permed hair after growing it naturally for six months. After I cut it, there was almost nothing left on my head. However, I was all bold(and a little bald) and confident until Monday came around and I had to go back to school and I thought "that guy that had been checking me out won't look at me again after he sees this hair"...no I couldn't do this to myself. So I braided my hair with really long twists :color 4 and color 33, nothing special until I was tired of covering my head with two shower caps every time I took a shower (see below) .

After spring beak I took those threads down and my "natural " hair seemed to not have grown an inch. Where was the fabulousness these girls on YouTube were talking about? All free and liberating...yeah right!!!. I felt anxiety every time I wanted to reveal my hair. I felt like I wanted to glue my permed hair back on. I felt someone could have at least told me that the courage wasn't in the hair but actually in the person. 

So I took the short look to church and the comments I heard just poured cold water on my soul : this one lady looked at me, squeezed her face like I had farted and said "why did you cut your hair?" and when I told her why, it seemed the reason was not enough. So I stopped explaining and only said something like "you know, I'm trying something new."

I was so insecure I wanted to cut all my hair off: like that would have made anything better. So I added more extensions to my "afro" like hair. The only catch was that these new extensions looked like my own hair and so when people would say " I love your hair" I would say "thanks"...I didn't want to disappoint them and let them know it was fake. That I was fake. So I carried on feeling confident with 100% human hair ...Janet. .thank you Janet for your service.

But then the extensions started to stink and it was unfitting so I took them out and decided I was coming out...lol. Mainly because school was out and it was getting hotter by the day. So I wore my natural hair and no one even cared. All this while I was caring about people not caring about how I looked.  If I had just stopped and just been myself.

Disclaimer: Natural hair is real. The shrinkage is real. The struggle is real. Everything is real. But I would not have it any other way...until I decide I don't want to be real anymore.

There are many reasons for individuals to think that their lives must be a show. You don't have to wake up putting on a show for anyone unless you think its necessary. However, I think that it's just wrong to pretend for a long time: you will get tired. But just remember no one really cares about why you have green or blue hair. They might question, disagree, or even reject you but at least you have given them a taste of #teamnatural.